Finding themselves
by ps63807
Summary: Pleases leave reviews! If You believe its to harsh message me and I will get back to you on it!Thank you and love you!
1. Chapter 1

"Of course we are always fighting... Well I can't help it that he gets on my nerve... Yes..yes, I know. Love you too." Marianne Bonnefoy closes her phone. Lightly tapping the phone to her lips she sets the cell down on the nightstand and pushes up off the bed and walks to the washroom.

"Kirkland... Are you almost done in the bath? I would like to start getting ready to you know." Marianne peeped her head around the conner. "Tsk tsk. Falling asleep again in the tub will one day lead to your death you know?" Marianne walked over to the tub and slightly pushed on Arthur's shoulder. "Kirkland... I want to get ready.."

Arthur's hand grabbed Marianne's forearm, pulling her into the tub.

"Ah! Kirkland!" Marianne struggled against him as she tried helplessly to escape the water that was now soaking her thin nightgown making it cling to her.

"My dear Marianne... forgive me but I couldn't help the thought of you not wet..." Arthur ran his nose up and down her neck. Licking the hollow base where her neck and shoulder meet.

"You are a pervert and have no respect for my cloths anymore. This is my favorite chemise..."

"And it's about to mine as well dear." Arthur's hand began to roam, going over Marianne's soft curves. Making his way to her firm breast, he teased her nipples through the wet fabric.

"Arthur... you know we can't..." Marianne's breathing became rugged. She pushed her breast into his hands. "We'll be late again..."

Arthur stopped moving his fingers causing Marianne to look at him."The only reason why you're saying no, is because you don't want to try again." Arthur pushed lightly on Marianne and stood up. Looking down at her, he paused. "Have you ever thought to consider that maybe my feelings were hurt and even though they failed I still want to have hope and keep trying?" He place his foot on the rug, grabbing the towel off the shower handle he placed his other foot on the rug as well. Wrapping the towel around his waist he walked to his closet and shut the door.

Marianne sat there looking at the door. Of course she had thought about his feelings, which is why she wanted to wait a little less than a week to have to try again. Sighing, she reached over and grabbed the chain, pulling up the water began to rush. Standing, she placed the plug and chain in the corner. "My chemise is ruined..." Pouting she got out of the tub. "Kirkland!" She called out. No answer. "Kirkland!" Her voice creaked with the high pitch tone of it.

Arthur opened his closet door, his thick brows in a deep set frown and his dress slacks half way on. "What Bonnefoy? What?"

Marianne made up her mind. "Will you help me wash my back?" She pleaded with her eyes to him. She didn't want to go to a dinner party on a sour note.

"Stop being childish Bonnefoy. We- I don't have time for this." Arthur closed his closet door once more.

Marianne stood there stunned. He had never once turned down an offer like this. Her eyes started watering, turning she opened the shower door and turned the faucet. Letting a few tears down her cheeks, she pulled lightly on the straps of her chemise and rolled the wet gown down her body. Stepping into the shower she closed the door and let the water run over her.

 _ **Later**_

Marianne sat in the Lincoln with ankles crossed. She looked out to the countryside watching the trees pass by. Arthur sat with the arm rest between them, looking over paper work that would be discussed at tonight's dinner.

Marianne turned to Arthur, looking at his thick brow and how it made a almost v-shape when he was angry. "Can we-"

"Not now Bonnefoy. Unlike you I go over my topics so I can at least try to better the world."

Marianne bit her cheek. _Now he's just being childish._ She turned back to the window and studied the trees. "When do you think we will arrive so I can escape this unpleasant car. I think I'll stay in town for a week or two."

"Suit yourself. We should be there in about twenty or so minutes."

She would not let herself cry. She looked perfect tonight. As she looked out the window she could see the town lights sparkling from the mountains. Closing her eyes she let time take her to the hotel.

"Mademoiselle Bonnefoy and Monsieur Kirkland." Arthur was kind enough to escort Marianne down to their table but after that he left. Engaging himself with Braginsky and Ludwig. She looked around for friendly faces but it seemed that no one she knew was there yet. Walking over to a table with wine glasses set out she looked for a waiter. Spotting one she snapped her finger twice at him.

"Yes Mademoiselle?" The handsome Swiss man looked at her, waiting on her reply.

"1811 Chateau d'Yguem and 1787 Chateau Margaux mixed please."

The Swiss waiter looked at Marianne, nodding, he set out to find the bottles.

"You do know it is not ladylike to have that strong of wine at a discussion with countries present, no?" Gilbert's voice sounded softly behind Marianne.

"It helps with raising the chances of becoming with child. And if it helps Kirkland love me then I'd rather be a fool tonight then have him hate me." The waiter had come back with the mixed wine glass. Holding the base down on a silver platter, he waited on Marianne to take the glass.

"Marianne... If you honestly believe that thick brow fool hates you... Then you are just as much of a fool as he." Gilbert turned to Ludwig. "Even though I'm only here to sever the just of people... Know that little no brain Kirkland loves you. He is even watching you now. Also Marianne... You must cook for me again... I miss your home cook meals."

Marianne had taken the win glass from the waiter and started sipping on the tangy sweet wine. "Clean the auvent and I will cook what you most desire Gilbert." She smiled at him behind the wine glass, taking a full swig of it.

"Marianne... You are a doll." Gilbert leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Promise you'll have Kirkland take you home before you embarrass yourself too much?" Marianne smiled and nodded her head slightly. Squeezing her elbow gently, he set off into the now growing crowd.

As the night drew on, Marianne could feel the wine going to her head. Though it just wasn't her head; it was her muscles. Her muscles started to feel as they were moving at the time of light. Arthur was sitting next to her, leaning in on his elbows, giving his forearms that taut feel to it. She placed her hand on his inner thigh, moving it slowly up and down.

"Bonnefoy, stop. If you need someone to take you home have Weillschmidt do it for you." Arthur took her hand and dropped it on the table.

Marianne pouted. "Arthur... I want you to take me home... Can't we leave this boring place... They always have these meeting... And we go to every single one..." Marianne had long ago finished her white/red wine fusion and was on her fourth bottle of both.

Arthur closed his eyes and counted to ten. He raised his hand slightly, signaling for a waiter. Opening his eyes he turned to Marianne. Staring for a minute into her violet eyes he turned to the young Swiss waiter. "Have a car ready in five minutes. Be waiting by the door with both Mademoiselle Bonnefoy and mine coats." He dismissed the waiter with a flick of his wrist. Turning his focus back on the topic at hand he stood. "I would like to discontinue my backing of this agreement. It has come to my attention with statics showing in my country that this won't be working for me." He bowed slightly and stood straight. Shuffling on his feet he came behind Marianne's chair and pulled it back. Helping her out of it wasn't a great feat like he thought it would be. Placing her hand in the crock of elbow, he walked them to the grand staircase.

Marianne grabbed the side of gown, allowing her to climb the stairs with ease. "I wish I had asked the waiter for one more glass." Her lips fell into the familiar pout.

Coming to the doors', Arthur had quickened his pace slightly. He hadn't meant to call out and draw so much attention to them, especially while Marianne was drunk. The waiter stood to the side waiting with their coats.

"He reminds me of Moscow 1918... I met Ana for the first time... and last... she was such a pretty girl... the son sickly..." Arthur hurried the minx onto her bare shoulders. 'Their father was a handsome man... I wish he would have taken my offer that night to go to Paris and see the tower... We would have brought Ana... She was found of my western style of dressing... I wanted her as my daughter... I had loved her at that moment... But Ivan wouldn't let me... He wanted to marry Ana and keep her close to him... I..." Marianne broke down in tears as Arthur hugged her in the Lincoln. He made a motion to the driver.


	2. Chapter 2

**1917**

"Mademoiselle Bonnefoy!" Ana's shrill voice came from the top of the staircase. "I didn't think you would come!"

Nicholas's hand pressed into Marianne's back. Marianne smiled and looked up to Ana. "I know how much you wanted to see me petit enfant. " Ana had reached the middle landing in which Marianne was standing a step below looking up to her. Reaching her hand to touch Ana's face she wiped away the bead of sweat on her nose. "Besides I promised I would show you the latest fashion in gowns from Paris." Grabbing Ana's hands she stepped onto the middle landing. Opening her arms she let Ana's eyes roam over the beaded crystal dress.

"You must do that beautiful turn you do and show me all of it Mademoiselle Bon." Ana dropped Marianne's hands and stepped back waiting on her to turn.

Marianne stepped to her right showing off the taunting slit in her dress. Pivoting she walked a few paces, letting the train fan out behind her. Ana's gasp made her look over her shoulder. Ana's eyes were saucers, Nicholas's eyes seemed to travel up her dress and her legs they seemed to come to rest on her mouth. Marianne smiled, making Ana giggle and Nicholas shifting uncomfortably.

"Mademoiselle Bonnefoy. What a surprise to see you tonight." Braginsky's voice stopped the smile on Ana's face and seemed to cause an unpleasant chill in the air.

"I wouldn't call it a surprise Braginsky. You know I can not simply turn away a formal invitation to a ball. Plus here I know I'll be outstanding." Marianne had made her way to the top of the stair case and held out her hand to him.

"Outstanding is not the word I would use Bonnefoy." Taking her hand he pressed his lips hard against her skin.

"Hmm. Remember Ivan, guest are watching." Marianne pulled her hand away. Nicholas appeared at her left elbow. Marianne turned to watch Ana come up the stairs with a look of dread in her eyes. Turning she smiled at Ivan. "If you'll excuse Nicholas and I we have guest to impress."

They walked a few paces before Ivan's voice called out to her. "Bonnefoy! Remember Nicholas is a married man."

Marianna turned to face him, facing him with a dazzling smile."Remember Anastasia is just a child." Laughing she placed her hand in the crock of Nicholas's elbow.

The hall was outdone in paintings of the past and present royal family. "Nicholas I wish you would take my offer to go to Paris and bring Ana with you. It'll do you both good. There's a fire that's soon to began... I can feel it Nicholas..."

"There is nothing of the sort. Besides I already asked Ivan and he refused. He does not like the thought of Ana being away for so long..." He stopped in front of a mural of The Mother of Russia.

"She was amazing in her time Nicholas... Strong and fearless."

Sighing, Nicholas looked at Marianne. "So I have been told." Laughing he pushed on the frame and waited for the door to open. Having the door open he stepped back to let Marianne through first, looking side to side to make sure no one saw, he followed her in.

The room was a secret but to a few. In case there ever did happen to be a attempt on any of the royal family, the family had installed hidden rooms. In the rooms there were other hidden passages that led to safety, but in case those passages were blocked windows looked out from the rooms. The rooms of course were simple, not meant for a week stay. Though a little tussle in the bed? Marianne slid the straps off her shoulders, daring the dress to fall. She stopped in the middle of the room waiting for Nicholas. Nicholas took his time watching the crystals twinkle in the candelight. Even though Nicholas had not agreed with Marianne about a fire starting, he knew it would be soon and he was going to enjoy the little time he had left with her. Nicholas to be in front of Marianne, kneeling down, he softly grabbed her ankle, bringing it forward to where it was resting on his knee. He leaned forward kissing her pale leg. Hooking his finger in the back of her shoe, he lifted her foot off his knee and slipped the flat off, softly tossing it to the side. He repeated the same motion on her other foot though this time kissing the inside of her ankles and making little love bites.

"Marianne... I wish you could bear my children so I could keep you close..." Nicholas looked up at her, pleading with his eyes.

"Nicho..." She leaned down and placed her hands on either side of face. "I already have... You have a loving wife who took him in... She has kept silent about the affair... She loves you and I will not take that away from her... This is your place. Not mine." Removing her hands, she stood straight and stepped back.

Nicholas looked down, noticing the shine of shoe. Looking back up, he pushes off the floor and stands. Stepping forward, he pulls the straps of Marianne's dress down letting the dress fall to the ground. Marianne looks straight ahead, slightly blushing as Nicholas looks over her nakedness. Holding his hand out, Marianne takes his offered hand and steps out of the dress. Leading Marianne to the bed he pushes her onto her back. Kneeling in front of her, he pushes her legs open causing her blush to grow more.

He pauses to look at her face, she explains the blush."E-even though we've fucked many times...I-It still makes me nervous every time..." Nicholas's smiles leans forward kissing her clit.

Marianne leans back slightly, moaning as Nicholas's tongue enters her. "...Nicholas..." Marianne's hand in tangles in Nicholas sandy brown hair. Nicholas runs his hands up her thighs, pushing them further apart, he sucks softly on her clit. "Nicholas... Please..." Nicholas hands roamed up to Marianne's breast, squeezing them hard. Marianne's moans make Nicholas kiss his way up, stopping and sucking on her skin every now and then. Marianne's hands fumble with Nicholas pants, yanking them down hard.

Nicholas's intakes a sharp breath as Marianne mouth wraps around his tip. Moving his hands into her hair, he pushes himself into her mouth causing her to chock slightly. He pulls back and pushes Marianne onto the bed, her hair falls loosely around her shoulder. Nicholas centers himself at her entrance, pausing with just the tip in her.

He stares at Marianne, not so much of staring but studying. The way how the candlelight flickers across her skin. He looks at her small mouth that he's watched pout so many times. "Nichol..." Marianne's hand brush against his cheek, he turns his head kissing the palm. Biting it to keep her hand there he pushes into her, looking at her as she moans. "Nicholas...Yes..." Marianne wraps her legs around him, making him thrust fast and hard.

"Marianne... Maria..." Nicholas uses his free hands to roam her body, pinching her nipples, causing a gasp. Marianne grabs his hand and intertwines her fingers with his.

"Nichol... faster...Faster... Yes...yes...yes..." Nicholas could feel Marianne tighten around him.

BOOM! Nicholas froze as a palace guard came through the hidden door. Marianne had just came around him at the time of the bang causing Nicholas to come. Though he held his place inside her, he looked at the guard.

"Czar... they're coming in... the pheasants... You need to leave for safety..." The guard was panting. He took a few more breaths before returning to a normal breathing. "Your family will be waiting for you in the passages." He finally saw Marianne on the bed and turned to the open door. "I'll escort you to them once you are... Ready."

Nicholas had already pulled out of Marianne, stepping back he fixed his uniform. Walking to the middle of the room he picked up Marianne's dress. Walking back to her, he fished the small locket out of his pocket. Nicholas held out his hand for her, taking it she stood up looking up into Nicholas eyes. Stepping to the side she let Nicholas hold open the dress for her, stepping through Marianne pulled the dress up, sliding the straps back onto her shoulders.

"Marianne... I do not know when or if I will see you again... I had this locket prepared for you for a gift to give you on our sons' birthday to thank you for giving me him... I want you to have it now... In case something happens.." Nicholas grabs Mariannes' hand and forces the locket into her hands. Grabbing her by her shoulders he kisses her roughly on her forehead, stepping back he side steps her and heads to the guard. "Escort Mademoiselle Bonnefoy out to the west side of the palace. Make sure she is safe and see her safely to her home... In France. I will go find my family." Nicholas left the room.

The palace guard looks to Marianne. "We must hurry Mademoiselle." Closing the hidden door the palace guard briskly walks to a mirror. Grabbing a hold of a candle stick holder, he smashes the end of the stick into the mirror causing the mirror to cave in. Marianne had begun to gather her dress and put her shoes back on when the sound of guns going off in the hallway made her pause. The palace guard did not hesitate. He jerked on her arm pushing her through the now passage way. Pushing her into a run, the set off into the west side of the palace.

 **Five weeks later**

Marianne had been back in France for a week and no word had reached her about the Czar or his family. She opened the locket remembering the rest of the night.

When she and the palace guard had made it back to her private resident in the country, servants were wearily. She had by then had had enough time to decide on what to do. "Pack everything up. We are leaving tonight for home. Board everything up. I do not want my home here harmed by this thing that is happening." After changing into warm traveling cloths she waited for the carriage to be packed, running her finger over the locket Nicholas had given her she opened the circle orb. Her eyes watered. The inside had a photograph of Nicholas and her and of their son when he was just born. Tears streamed down her face. On the other side he had engraved all three of their names.

"Mademoiselle Bonnefoy... Everything is ready." Nodding her head, she closed the locket and placed the chain around her neck. Walking quickly to the carriage she heard the door close behind her and boards being placed over them. Stepping into the carriage, she closed the world out and held onto the necklace.

Sitting now on the patio of her auvent, she sipped her tea. She was late and she hoped that in eight months she would be able to have another piece of Nicholas with her again.


	3. Chapter 3

Marianne had fallen asleep in the Lincoln, leaving Arthur to wonder about why she had let herself go like this. As he sat there, running his fingertips through her soft hair, he looked at her pouting lips. They were so full and he wanted to kiss her. He leaned in, so close he smelt the wine on her breath.

Marianne shuffled closer to Arthur's warmth. He hesitated, thinking back to their fight earlier this evening, opening old wounds. He so desperately wanted a child with Marianne again. He wanted to raise the child with her. He had failed her once when Alfred and Matthew where children. He hadn't forgiven himself for it. Alfred, one of his sons had been born early. Though at first raising him was hell, he left the toddler stage and became a very interesting young boy. By that time Marianne and Arthur had split, Marianne taking Matthew with her. Alfred hadn't seemed disturbed by this, even though it was his mother. Arthur though had missed out on Matthew growing up, all Arthur could focus on was Alfred being brighter, better, everything. He pushed Alfred to the breaking point and forced Arthur out of his life.

What disturbed Arthur the most was that Matthew and Marianne backed Alfred. Even to this day, Arthur still pulls his hair out when he and Marianne get into a fight over the past. Just thinking about that day made his skin crawl. Though, after the fighting was over Marianne and Matthew invited Alfred to events with open arms and so did Alfred. Being back around Matthew made Arthur realize how much he had missed Marianne. Matthew was the spitting image of her. He had her soft ways and hair, so much so that at dinner he had to excuse himself to the washroom because of tears threatening to fall.

Though he would never admit it, he always missed Marianne. Even when they slept next to each other every night. Arthur always wanted to smell the sweet fragrance of her shampoo and body wash. It was intoxicating.

Sighing he pulled Marianne closer to him, burying his nose into her hair.

"Kirkland... Kirkland..." Marianne sighed, pulling on his dress coat. "I wanted to wait a week so... That we would have a higher chance... I always consider your feelings... I think you break me more than I do you. Please... Don't hate me anymore..." Marianne eyes fluttered with exhaustion.

"No, I don't hate you Marianne... I just become upset with you because you don't give me what I want and I love that about you. Sleep for now. I'll wake you up when we arrive." Arthur watched as Marianne's eyes closed, shutting everything out.

"Marianne, we are here. Wake up sweets." Marianne mumbled something about off, knowing she would get up, Arthur waited for the driver to open his door so he could carry her.

"Kirkland... Kirkland I want a bath..." Marianne moved her hand inside his open dress shirt. Marianne began to rake her nails down his chest.

"Not now Marianne... You cannot even stand by yourself Marianne." He sighs.

"Mr. Kirkland, sir." The footman greeted the two with.

Arthur nodded to the young boy, turning his gaze back to Marianne. "What will I do with you my little rose...?" Sighing again, he stepped into the elevator. As the doors closed, Marianne seemed to drift in and out of sleep. Arthur brought her closer to him, shifting his hold on her. "My beautiful Marianne..." Burying his nose in her hair, he inhaled the scent of roses and hay.

 _Ding._

Looking to the elevator doors, Arthur watched as the doors seemed to take an eon to open. The windows with the blazing city lights is what greeted Arthur as he stepped out onto their penthouse suite. Muttering to himself, he followed the hall that led to their room. Crouching slightly to open the door, Marianne's head bumped into the frame, opening the door.

"I'm sorry my rose..." Kissing her forehead, Arthur continued into the room. After placing her carefully on the bed, he removed her heels, letting them drop to the floor. Going to her wrist, Arthur removed the bracelet that had been snagging his hair, placing it on the glass nightstand. He proceed to do this with all of her jewels besides two. His ring that he had given her and a family heirloom ring. He knew Marianne never took that silly thing off for whatever reason.

"Marianne... I'm sorry that I have caused this distance between us... And I will do anything to make it up to you.." Kissing her palm, he let her hand fall back onto the bed. Standing straight he walked to the door, looking back only to grab the handle, and closed the door.

Pacing the halls at night was nothing new to Arthur, but why he paced them always was. Though this night, he did not pace them, he simply walked to the spare room. Undressing to his briefs, he climbed in bed and under the covers. His last thought before counting the sheep became slumbers call was Marianne.


End file.
